Movie Review: Evil Dead (2013)

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Well, if you're going to remake a classic that didn't need to be remade, then you might as well remake it like this.

"Evil Dead" pulls a Sean Parker and removes the "The." While it would be funny if this was the only change made in this remake, "Evil Dead" defies a lot of expectations by actually being its own movie. Unlike the recent "Carrie" remake, "Evil Dead" knows exactly what kind of movie it wants to be: a spectacularly gory horror movie. At that, it definitely succeeds.

Once again, "Evil Dead" begins with a group of young adults heading up for a pleasant weekend in a cabin in the woods. At this point, you'd think that people would watch enough horror movies to know that you're probably screwed if you go to stay in a cabin in the woods.* Even if reminders of "The Evil Dead" past abound, including the car, a deck of cards, and that ticking clock, this new group has no clue what they're in for.

Movie Review: Carrie (2013)

Poor Carrie White. 37 years later, and she still can't catch a break. The latest update of "Carrie" is not a total facelift, but it does take the White family and places them in the present day. If you've already seen the original, you might be interested to see how much more the White family feels out of place in 2013 than 1976.

Even for newbies, I believe the story of "Carrie" is well known enough at this point that I shouldn't use too much time to lay it all out. Carrie (Chloe Moretz) is still a misfit, and her mother Margaret (Julianne Moore) is still a religious fanatic. Carrie still gets bullied, gets covered in pig guts, and then gets sweet, sweet revenge.

Rosemary's Baby: My Favorite Horror Film

Three years ago, I released a list of the five best horror films in honor of Halloween. However, three years is a long time and I am certainly not the same person I was back then. Naturally, both my opinions and taste have changed since then.

In 2009, I hailed "The Silence of the Lambs" as the best horror film ever made. I admit that I have never been the biggest fan of horror films. Zombies and slashers have never quite done it for me. So I think it would be more appropriate to say that this new post is about my favorite horror film. Seeing as I have yet to watch "Night of the Living Dead," I don't feel totally qualified to judge which horror film is the absolute best ever made. While I still consider "The Silence of the Lambs" a masterpiece, I have come to realize that "Rosemary's Baby" is truly my favorite horror film of all time.

Movie Review: Splice

Some movies are too weird for their own good. Other movies find ways to be good through all the weirdness. "Splice" balances on the line between these two.

"Splice" is the latest film from Vincenzo Natali. Natali has the name of a great horror director, and he could just become one. I have never seen any of his previous works, but "Splice" shows that he knows this genre, and the several other ones that the film navigates.

"Splice" is infatuated with low angle, and usually subjective, shots. One of the best choices it makes is opening through the blurry, confused eyes of a newborn. This is no newborn, this is the birth of a new species. This is a creation from scientists (and lovers) Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley). The two figured out how to isolate the DNA of various types of animals and morph them into one, new species. The new species is active, healthy, and can even produce medicinal milk. It turns out to be both a scientific and economic wonder.

Clive and Elsa want to take their experiment to the next level: they want to add human DNA. However, the company isn't looking for scientific breakthroughs, but rather profit, and forces them to continue research on the milk the new creature produces. They go ahead with their experiment anyway. The result is a creature with the face of a human, the body of a small kangaroo, and the skin of a salamander. The clone, named Dren, starts off sweet and innocent enough. Then she turns, quite literally, into a monster.

The film is proceeded by some noteworthy shots, a few corny lines, and a few great thrills. It is a mixture of scientific intrigue and fictional ridiculousness. Despite some flaws, "Splice" is still miles ahead of most sci-fi films released in recent years. It draws upon, rather than steals from, classics.

On that note, the thing I enjoyed most about "Splice" is how inspired it was. Natali is a film lover's filmmaker. The slow, creeping doom that occurs alongside the speedy development of the creature feels right out of "Alien." A later scene involves a chase through a dark, snowy, forest reminiscent to the frozen maze chase that occurs in "The Shining." At one point, a character even shouts "It's alive!" just like Rosemary mistakenly shouted in joy in "Rosemary's Baby." It might just sound like I'm merely throwing out every film reference I can to look cool, but I'm actually throwing out compliments. Natali doesn't just know great films, but he knows what makes them so great. And those things influence his work in the best way.

Don't get the impression from this that Natali's work is nothing but a lot of pop culture reference. He is also a great director for individual reasons. The sci-fi works great because he understands how the sci-fi genre operates. The horror aspects work especially well because he understands how to create real thrills. As usual, it is not about the gore. What is crucial is atmosphere. He can create a moment of suspense either threw loud, overbearing music, or pure silence. One of the most impressive ways that he creates an environment of dread is through very tiny details. The most significant is a light swaying back and forth overhead, as the couple waits to see if there creation has survived.

"Splice" also displays some impressive cinematography. It contributes to the atmosphere as much as the sound and music. Best of all, it doesn't rely on an unnecessary large amount of shaky cam to try and frighten the viewer. Any horror you might feel comes organically.

As I am not Natali, I can't say what his true goal was with "Splice." If it was simply to thrill us and weird us out, then mission accomplished. But if he was looking for something even deeper, which I suspect he was, then he just missed the mark.

At times, I thought "Splice" was going for the "Brave New World" message that there's a line in science, and sometimes we just shouldn't toy too much with our own DNA. Then there's also this whole thing about how science is being ruined by corporate greed. These are themes that have been explored again and again, and I wish "Splice" did it in a slightly more original, and even more three-dimensional way.

The reason these two things don't work so well might just be because of the weakest aspect of the film: the writing. All of the arguments about the place of science and moral judgement just sound contrived. Such eloquent directing could've used much more eloquent writing.

While I obviously appreciated this film as a thriller, I wish Natali had gone and made it a little more satirical. There is one moment in the film (you'll know it when you see it), that's so gruesome and unexpected that it ends up being uncomfortably hilarious. Some might find it horrifying, others might find it to be the most genius moment in the entire film.

"Splice" certainly isn't your average sci-fi horror film, as Natali certainly isn't your average director. And even though the film falters on several points, it's hard not to recommend "Splice." After having to sit through "Robin Hood" and endless "Sex and the City 2" ads, any actual story is welcome.

Movie Review: Zombieland

There is a little, important secret of horror filmmaking I've been picking up on lately. That little secret is that less is more, that what we don't see is scarier than what we actually do see. Even though much blood and guts is spilled in "Zombieland," much is still left up to the imagination. This helps keep the film from being wannabe shlock to a totally satisfying horror satire.

"Zombieland" takes place in a post-apocalyptic Earth, long after a virus has turned most humans into cannibalistic zombies. The world has now become a Darwinian society, where all you need are a few basic skills to get by. One of those people lucky enough are Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg). Columbus is a scrawny, awkward college student who manages to get by unscathed because he's so used to loneliness.

While trying to reach his parents in Ohio, Columbus meets the tough, potty-mouthed, yet ultimately tender Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson). As they head east, they meet two con women: Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). The rest of the plot mainly consists of them traveling cross country, searching for safe haven as Columbus begins to fall for Wichita.

As you'll notice, each character is named after a different city. They each name themselves after the destination they are headed to, whether it still exists or not out of confidentiality reasons. It seems kind of ironic that they want their names to be secret though, as they end up becoming something of a family in the end.

In my introduction, I made the film seem like too much of a pure horror film. That, it isn't. I only felt frightened at a few moments in the film, but then again, "Zombieland" was meant to be a satire, and not a horror film. That doesn't mean it's not directed like a good horror film though. Take the convenience store scene. The most brutal death involves Tallahassee, a zombie, and a pair of hedge trimmers. We don't see what exactly the trimmers do, but we do see them slide across the floor, covered in blood. It's inferring what happened, rather than actually seeing what happened, that challenges the viewer, builds suspense, and just makes it even creepier to ponder. However, "Zombieland" does show us a good amount of graphic blood and guts. However it's much more sparse than you might imagine, and it mainly happens at the way beginning. It's almost like director Rubin Fleischer's way of saying "there's the gore. Happy now? Can we just move on?"

I can't forget that "Zombieland" is first and foremost a satire. Unfortunately, I'm not well-versed enough in the zombie genre to say whether or not "Zombieland" effectively both pokes fun and pays tribute to the popular genre. However, the film may also be a satire of the horror genre in general (I picked up a reference to the banjo scene in "Deliverance"). I could spot even smaller possible satirical spots. Some of them could even be the more predictable moments of the film, possibly mocking how formulaic the genre has become.

The humor of "Zombieland" is buoyed by its two central performances. While it might be cool at this point to bash Eisenberg for playing the same character he played in "The Squid and the Whale" and "Adventureland" I'm going to go against the tide and say he gave a good performance because I like him and well, if someone is good at playing a certain personality, why shouldn't they be allowed to keep playing it?

Mainly, Harrelson's performance as Tallahassee steals the show. The writers give him a few great lines ("That'll do, pig"), and he does such a great job at delivering each one. Harrelson plays Tallahassee slightly like Mickey from "Natural Born Killers," if Mickey had a soft spot and a love for Twinkies.

Stone doesn't bring a huge amount to the table, but she doesn't really detract from the story at all either. Breslin, however, does a great job with the material. After this and "Little Miss Sunshine," she proves that she can handle more adult material better than most girls under 18 [Editor's Note: Let's say for example, Hannah Montana, who'd I'd love to see be eaten by zombies]. The film also includes an extremely random, yet hilariously and even refreshing cameo. I dare not give it away here; I don't want to ruin the fun for you.

"Zombieland" isn't perfect. It's short and it isn't the first zombie satire ever made (there's also "Shaun of the Dead" which, for the record, I still haven't seen). But why did I like it so much? Mainly, its 81 minutes of pure, blissful, escapism. It's the kind of escapism that will draw you out of reality and further and further into the world of movies. This isn't a Seltzer-Friedberg satire, it's the kind that has a deep knowledge, and even a deep respect, for the subject its consistently mocking. Not only that, but it stands as a comedy in its own right, with its own, original jokes, as well.

In Honor of Halloween: The Five Best Horror Films

I’ve always had an admiration for horror films because, when done right, they can quite simply define what it means to be entertained. You might forget why you cried at the end of “Titanic,” but you’ll never forget that final shock in “Carrie,” or that shower scene in “Psycho.” Quite simply, a good scare proves that our emotions remain intact.

What better time is there to celebrate the best films that make you scream than on Halloween? If you’re looking for some real horror this Halloween, check out these films; the five best horror films:

1. The Silence of the Lambs- To date, this is the only horror film to win Best Picture at the Oscars. And for good reason. “The Silence of the Lambs” boasts two of the creepiest villains ever and one of the most troubled heroes. You might be most shocked by the cannibalism and you might be most shocked by the well scene. Point is, there’s enough shock here to go around. As violent as it is, “Silence of the Lambs” is the rare horror film that truly uses character for thrills. And not cheap thrills. Anthony Hopkins performance as the brilliant cannibal Hannibal Lecter is one of the greatest in all of cinema. “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.” Hopkins delivery of this line makes it all the more chilling. They say some movies truly have to be seen to be believed. If you want to understand truly why this horror film tops all others, then sit down and watch it, frame by frightening frame.

2. Psycho- Skip the 1998 shot-by-shot remake. Head toward the original instead because almost five decades later, Alfred Hitchcock’s classic hasn’t lost its power to make audiences scream. In discussing this film’s qualification for the list, only one scene is necessary: the shower scene. This scene still delivers goose bumps because of its hyper-fast cuts and shrieking musical scores. Try showering alone again after watching this, it won’t be easy.

3. Se7en- This contemporary masterpiece is also one of the bleakest films ever put onto the big screen. The film follows two cops hunting for a certain John Doe, a psychopath who kills his victims based on the seven deadly sins. “Se7en” is so distinct in the fact that it can frighten you for days not by what it shows you, but what it doesn’t show you. The audience never sees any of the victims die, but the aftermaths are even more horrible.

4. The Shining- The master of every genre, Stanley Kubrick, deserves at least one mention on this list. Only someone like Kubrick could take something as simple as a ghost story about a writer going mad from isolation and trying to kill his family to something so frighteningly complex. In this movie, it’s not just the axes and the blood that are so scary, but the eerie musical score, and those stunning tracking shots. “The Shining” was released 20 years after “Psycho.” This time audiences weren’t so much afraid of being stabbed in a motel shower by Anthony Perkins, but axed in the face in a hotel bathroom by Jack Nicholson.

5. Carrie- Some horror films try to scare you with cheap thrills like oozing blood and bumps with the night. Not this one. What starts off as your typical drama about a bullied high school girl, until she gains super powers and uses them for revenge. “Carrie” is a slow building horror film, with the greatest not occurring until well over an hour in. Brian De Palma uses Hitchcockian techniques to create slow-burning suspense leading up to its unforgettable climax. “Carrie” is an essential horror film for those with patience. To top it all of, this movie has the best final scare. Ever.

And, a few other classics: Rosemary's Baby, Jaws, Deliverance, Alien

Movie Review: The Final Destination (3D)

When did audiences stop caring about life and start cheering on merciless, unnecessary death? I didn't realize this was the case until I sat through "The Final Destination." In 3D. And felt myself cheering too.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that we were all cheering. After all, what sympathy could be felt for the characters? Not one felt the least bit developed. Well, maybe a little bit. The most I could say is that Nick (Bobby Campo) goes to a race car event with his friends. There, he has premonitions of a disaster in the stadium causing brutal death. Him and his friends, along with a few others, narrowly escape the carnage. They have cheated death. This sets off a chain of events that leads to each of them being killed off in the most unpleasant ways imaginable. Oh, and Nick also has a friend named Hunt (Nick Zano) who's kind of a tool. I don't remember any other of the characters' names. And I don't really care. 

The actors certainly don't help bring sympathy to the characters. Their dull and lifeless delivery bring nothing to the script; not that there's anything good to the script. The dialogue is nothing but a series of platitudes and cliches. At one point, one character actually says "you only live once" and tries to pass it off as original, moving, and insightful. Of course, it is none of these things. 

The film's director, David R. Ellis, has a strange resume that includes "Final Destination II," "Snakes on a Plane," and "Homeward Bound II." In directing "The Final Destination" he breaks the rule that makes a horror film great: waiting. Don't try to hit your audience with so much in so little time, you have to let the characters grow. You have to let the fear grow. That's what makes horror films like "Psycho," "The Silence of the Lambs," and "Carrie" so effective: they grow on you. And then, suddenly, they give you and incredible jolt out of the dark.

The debate "The Final Destination" covers is one that has been argued for centuries on and off the screen: fate vs. freewill. Can you cheat death? And if so, will death find you again? "The Final Destination" obviously leans towards the latter. However, it seems to believe that spilling blood and guts is an effective way to prove a point. Believe me, it's not. If you'd like to see this topic discussed much more eloquently, watch an episode of "Lost" or read "Man's Search for Meaning."

Now, most of you wanting to see this movie aren't looking for a sophisticated debate; you're looking for escapism. Well, you won't find it here. Escapism is enjoying a film that provides a sort of world you know can't exist, but for a limited amount of time, you'll believe it does anyway. The kind of escapism "The Final Destination" provides is the kind where you can laugh at the ridiculousness of the film. But this is not enjoyment. For real escapism, go see "Inglourious Basterds" instead.

I will admit, this is only the first "Final Destination" movie I've seen. I felt confused at first, so my friend explained the premise of the other three to me. The premise was the exact same for each movie, and he seemed to have a good feeling that this installment would go the same way. I doubted him for a second, thinking nobody could possibly carry out the same idea and get away with it three times. He was right.

Note: Don't let the title fool you. Even though it's called "The Final Destination," the film is truly "Final Destination 4." This just marks a weird trend where studios try to wipe out a franchise history by leaving out the number of the film (ex: Fast & Furious, Rambo). Sorry guys, it isn't working.