A Beginners' Guide to Horror as Written by a Beginner

Image via Villains Wiki

Well, it's Halloween. You know what that means: time for people to pretend they care about horror movies for one month!

And it's really a shame that this obsession will go on for only a month: Horror movies do not get all of the respect they deserve (I blame found footage). Sure, horror is starting to get attention on TV ("The Walking Dead," "Hannibal," "Bates Motel," fifty new witch shows all premiering on Lifetime), but cinema is really where the genre began, and where it is at its best.

Unfortunately, horror has been one of my pop culture blind spots for years. I have been lucky enough to take a class about the genre and explore it more on my own and have a newfound appreciation for it. Maybe it's my fault for thinking that "Saw V" represented every horror movie ever.

What I am trying to say is that I am a relatively new horror fan. Unfortunately, I cannot dig up any obscure examples to show how savvy I am, as I've only seen one movie made by George A. Romero. However, I can be your Introductory Horror Spirit Guide, and lay out the basics. In my opinion, these are ten essential horror movies to kick off your love of horror movies with. Let me remind you that you can watch horror movies after Halloween ends:

Movie Review: Carrie (2013)

Poor Carrie White. 37 years later, and she still can't catch a break. The latest update of "Carrie" is not a total facelift, but it does take the White family and places them in the present day. If you've already seen the original, you might be interested to see how much more the White family feels out of place in 2013 than 1976.

Even for newbies, I believe the story of "Carrie" is well known enough at this point that I shouldn't use too much time to lay it all out. Carrie (Chloe Moretz) is still a misfit, and her mother Margaret (Julianne Moore) is still a religious fanatic. Carrie still gets bullied, gets covered in pig guts, and then gets sweet, sweet revenge.

Rosemary's Baby: My Favorite Horror Film

Three years ago, I released a list of the five best horror films in honor of Halloween. However, three years is a long time and I am certainly not the same person I was back then. Naturally, both my opinions and taste have changed since then.

In 2009, I hailed "The Silence of the Lambs" as the best horror film ever made. I admit that I have never been the biggest fan of horror films. Zombies and slashers have never quite done it for me. So I think it would be more appropriate to say that this new post is about my favorite horror film. Seeing as I have yet to watch "Night of the Living Dead," I don't feel totally qualified to judge which horror film is the absolute best ever made. While I still consider "The Silence of the Lambs" a masterpiece, I have come to realize that "Rosemary's Baby" is truly my favorite horror film of all time.

Things That Should Possibly Happen: A Carrie Remake

That awkward moment when someone pours pig guts all over you at prom.

New remake gets "Carrie"-d away, said the worst headline writer ever.


Hollywood doesn't seem to understand that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. However, I'm done yelling at studio executives who probably aren't listening, and I'm also tired of referring to every person who works in the film industry collectively as Hollywood. The idea that existing properties are more valued than original ones needs to change, but there is no way that it will ever happen overnight.

The latest remake being concocted is of "Carrie," Brian De Palma's twisted horror thriller. "Carrie" seems to have little justification for a remake. "Carrie" stands out to me because because nothing really exciting happens until the very end, yet the whole experience is a thrill to watch. The promised finale lasts under five minutes, yet it is as spectacular and horrifying today as it was in 1976. The slow buildup is a perfect display of Hitchcockian tension. This is a subtlety that most horror movies today are devoid of, and I fear that a modern update of "Carrie" would be substitute real scares for extra buckets of blood. And not just pig's blood.

However, there is one saving grace to the "Carrie" remake. Chloe Moretz, better known as Hit-Girl from "Kick-Ass," has signed to take Sissy Spacek's place as "Carrie." Now, Moretz is not quite Sissy Spacek yet but then again, neither was Sissy Spacek when she took this role. Moretz can play a hard-edged teen, but can she bring Spacek's creepiness and vulnerability back? Also, the movie will be directed by Kimberly Peirce, who directed "Boys Don't Cry." I have yet to see "Boys Don't Cry," but some extra female perspective for this story could be interesting.

Either way, I'm standing by the original. And unless Peirce really screws up, there is no way this could be as bad as the Broadway musical. Discounting the fact that this story should never be a musical, it was apparently terrible.

Read more about the remake here.

In Honor of Halloween: The Five Best Horror Films

I’ve always had an admiration for horror films because, when done right, they can quite simply define what it means to be entertained. You might forget why you cried at the end of “Titanic,” but you’ll never forget that final shock in “Carrie,” or that shower scene in “Psycho.” Quite simply, a good scare proves that our emotions remain intact.

What better time is there to celebrate the best films that make you scream than on Halloween? If you’re looking for some real horror this Halloween, check out these films; the five best horror films:

1. The Silence of the Lambs- To date, this is the only horror film to win Best Picture at the Oscars. And for good reason. “The Silence of the Lambs” boasts two of the creepiest villains ever and one of the most troubled heroes. You might be most shocked by the cannibalism and you might be most shocked by the well scene. Point is, there’s enough shock here to go around. As violent as it is, “Silence of the Lambs” is the rare horror film that truly uses character for thrills. And not cheap thrills. Anthony Hopkins performance as the brilliant cannibal Hannibal Lecter is one of the greatest in all of cinema. “A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.” Hopkins delivery of this line makes it all the more chilling. They say some movies truly have to be seen to be believed. If you want to understand truly why this horror film tops all others, then sit down and watch it, frame by frightening frame.

2. Psycho- Skip the 1998 shot-by-shot remake. Head toward the original instead because almost five decades later, Alfred Hitchcock’s classic hasn’t lost its power to make audiences scream. In discussing this film’s qualification for the list, only one scene is necessary: the shower scene. This scene still delivers goose bumps because of its hyper-fast cuts and shrieking musical scores. Try showering alone again after watching this, it won’t be easy.

3. Se7en- This contemporary masterpiece is also one of the bleakest films ever put onto the big screen. The film follows two cops hunting for a certain John Doe, a psychopath who kills his victims based on the seven deadly sins. “Se7en” is so distinct in the fact that it can frighten you for days not by what it shows you, but what it doesn’t show you. The audience never sees any of the victims die, but the aftermaths are even more horrible.

4. The Shining- The master of every genre, Stanley Kubrick, deserves at least one mention on this list. Only someone like Kubrick could take something as simple as a ghost story about a writer going mad from isolation and trying to kill his family to something so frighteningly complex. In this movie, it’s not just the axes and the blood that are so scary, but the eerie musical score, and those stunning tracking shots. “The Shining” was released 20 years after “Psycho.” This time audiences weren’t so much afraid of being stabbed in a motel shower by Anthony Perkins, but axed in the face in a hotel bathroom by Jack Nicholson.

5. Carrie- Some horror films try to scare you with cheap thrills like oozing blood and bumps with the night. Not this one. What starts off as your typical drama about a bullied high school girl, until she gains super powers and uses them for revenge. “Carrie” is a slow building horror film, with the greatest not occurring until well over an hour in. Brian De Palma uses Hitchcockian techniques to create slow-burning suspense leading up to its unforgettable climax. “Carrie” is an essential horror film for those with patience. To top it all of, this movie has the best final scare. Ever.

And, a few other classics: Rosemary's Baby, Jaws, Deliverance, Alien

Movie Review: The Final Destination (3D)

When did audiences stop caring about life and start cheering on merciless, unnecessary death? I didn't realize this was the case until I sat through "The Final Destination." In 3D. And felt myself cheering too.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that we were all cheering. After all, what sympathy could be felt for the characters? Not one felt the least bit developed. Well, maybe a little bit. The most I could say is that Nick (Bobby Campo) goes to a race car event with his friends. There, he has premonitions of a disaster in the stadium causing brutal death. Him and his friends, along with a few others, narrowly escape the carnage. They have cheated death. This sets off a chain of events that leads to each of them being killed off in the most unpleasant ways imaginable. Oh, and Nick also has a friend named Hunt (Nick Zano) who's kind of a tool. I don't remember any other of the characters' names. And I don't really care. 

The actors certainly don't help bring sympathy to the characters. Their dull and lifeless delivery bring nothing to the script; not that there's anything good to the script. The dialogue is nothing but a series of platitudes and cliches. At one point, one character actually says "you only live once" and tries to pass it off as original, moving, and insightful. Of course, it is none of these things. 

The film's director, David R. Ellis, has a strange resume that includes "Final Destination II," "Snakes on a Plane," and "Homeward Bound II." In directing "The Final Destination" he breaks the rule that makes a horror film great: waiting. Don't try to hit your audience with so much in so little time, you have to let the characters grow. You have to let the fear grow. That's what makes horror films like "Psycho," "The Silence of the Lambs," and "Carrie" so effective: they grow on you. And then, suddenly, they give you and incredible jolt out of the dark.

The debate "The Final Destination" covers is one that has been argued for centuries on and off the screen: fate vs. freewill. Can you cheat death? And if so, will death find you again? "The Final Destination" obviously leans towards the latter. However, it seems to believe that spilling blood and guts is an effective way to prove a point. Believe me, it's not. If you'd like to see this topic discussed much more eloquently, watch an episode of "Lost" or read "Man's Search for Meaning."

Now, most of you wanting to see this movie aren't looking for a sophisticated debate; you're looking for escapism. Well, you won't find it here. Escapism is enjoying a film that provides a sort of world you know can't exist, but for a limited amount of time, you'll believe it does anyway. The kind of escapism "The Final Destination" provides is the kind where you can laugh at the ridiculousness of the film. But this is not enjoyment. For real escapism, go see "Inglourious Basterds" instead.

I will admit, this is only the first "Final Destination" movie I've seen. I felt confused at first, so my friend explained the premise of the other three to me. The premise was the exact same for each movie, and he seemed to have a good feeling that this installment would go the same way. I doubted him for a second, thinking nobody could possibly carry out the same idea and get away with it three times. He was right.

Note: Don't let the title fool you. Even though it's called "The Final Destination," the film is truly "Final Destination 4." This just marks a weird trend where studios try to wipe out a franchise history by leaving out the number of the film (ex: Fast & Furious, Rambo). Sorry guys, it isn't working.