Predicting The Golden Globe Winners, Because I Have To

At this point, saying that the Golden Globes are pointless is about as original as saying that M. Night Shyamalan is a crappy director. The awards don't mean anything, but on the bright side, you get to watch really famous people get drunk and congratulate themselves. Really though, the only reason to stick around is to watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler host for the second year in a row. At this point, they basically have a residency that won't get old as quickly as the one Billy Joel has at Madison Square Garden.

I like to write about movies, so that gives me an obligation to write about the awards, too. It is easy to immediately dismiss the Globes because they once nominated "The Tourist" For Best Comedy/Musical. But just remember that the Oscars once gave "The King's Speech" Best Picture instead of "The Social Network." The Golden Globes are a nice, light appetizer to the big feast. But enough with food metaphors. Here are my predictions for Sunday's show, which I will present without any explanation because the Golden Globes deserve no further intellectual thought:

Five Movies That Are Often Misinterpreted By People

The hottest controversy right now surrounds “The Wolf of Wall Street” and whether or not the film makes Jordan Belfort look like a hero or a villain. Okay, maybe this debate is a week old but I don’t get paid to do this so relevance is irrelevant here.

Anyway, “The Wolf of Wall Street” is not the first film to face this problem. Watching movies is such a subjective experience that they get misunderstood all of the time. Sometimes, this can be a good thing and it can bring up issues that nobody talks about, like how to view people who somehow make taking Quaaludes and snorting cocaine look hilarious. Other times, it can show how dumb people are, such as those who root for Jordan Belfort. Other times, misinterpretation can be dangerous when the irony is lost and life imitates art.

Here are five other movies that often get misinterpreted:

2014: The Possible Year In Movies

Image via Collider

2013 was an excellent year for movies. 2014 seems like a mixed bag so far. There are a lot of solid releases coming out down the road.

For now, I feel pessimistic. Then again, it is easy to feel that way in January and February when studios focus on the Oscars and release all of the movies they have no faith in. 

I think the dry spell will not last too long though, as there are already some promising releases in February and March. Here now are the list of films I want to see, the films I want to ignore, and the films I hope live up to their possible potential in 2014:

Movie Review: Her

Image via Huffington Post.

Yes, “Her” is about a man who falls in love with his computer. But eventually, the fact that the love interest in question is a computer will not faze you at all. That is the magic of “Her.”

“Her” is a little bit of everything. For anyone looking for a good laugh, a tear-jerking romance, and a science fiction fable all in one, “Her” is the perfect solution. The film takes place during an unspecified date in the future, though time doesn’t exactly matter. This is, however, one of the more accurate imaginings of the future on film. There are no flying cars or hoverboards here. "Her" is on par with “Children of Men,” minus all of the random acts of violence.

Analog This: Community Season 5 Premiere, and the Meaning of Greendale

“Community” has had such a troubled run. At the same time, it is also more privileged than most shows. Besides multiple hiatuses and threats of cancellation, the show has seen one showrunner get fired and then re-hired. But the loud voices of the Internet spoke, and Dan Harmon’s vision got to beat on.

And to that I say, “amen.”

I would have been okay if “Community” had gotten canned after its third season. However, if it had ended with the bitter taste of season four, that would not have felt right. So, there is a fifth season of “Community.” And once again, I say “amen.”

Movie Review: Spring Breakers

“Spring Breakers” walks like art. It talks like art. But it is not art. It is a scatter-brained collection of pretty colors and hot bodies disguised as art. Or maybe it is art and you just don’t get it, man.

The reason I just didn’t get “Spring Breakers” is that there was nothing for me to get. There was nothing to cling onto or explore deeper, and there was even less to be entertained by.

“Spring Breakers” follows four sheltered college girls from Kentucky. Their one real dream is to go to Florida for a real spring break experience. The problem is, they have no money. So, out of nowhere they decide to rob a store. They make off with a big enough score that they can have their spring break in a state that is mostly occupied by criminals and old Jews.

The 2013 Reel Deal Movie Awards

If there is one complaint that people could have against the Oscars, besides the fact that Oscar voters rarely pick the right film and are easily seduced by pretty campaigns, is that there awards just aren't specific enough.

Boom! Problem fixed.

Here are some new categories I thought up to give some movies, directors, and actors who might not have gotten their moment in the sun otherwise. 

Some of these awards are compliments, some are not, and some will probably make no sense at all. But then again, anything makes more sense than "Shakespeare in Love" beating "Saving Private Ryan" for Best Picture.

Read the list below: